Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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