Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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