you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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