it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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