gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
