Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
