I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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