Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
