i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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