Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
