woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So much rum. So many feels.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
