could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
