I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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