did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
