i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A bitchslap is in order.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
