Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
