who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
