mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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