I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
