The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
