I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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