Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
