Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
