Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
