I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
