I think im going to throw up on grandma
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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