All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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