Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
