Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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