Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
