Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
