Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
