I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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