I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
