I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
