It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
