There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
