im drinking this country out of the recession.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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