And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
