i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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