Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
