worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love you.
Bad choice
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
