dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
