im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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