Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
