My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
