I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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