No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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