why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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