why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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