every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
