I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
