my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
