and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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