we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize