You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thus making me awesome and them whores
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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