I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
