I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dick very happy bro
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize