I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Randomize
