ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
