i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
