this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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