im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i think my cat just said my name.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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