I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
