Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
