I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
