Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
