he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
