I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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