after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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