I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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