I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
