You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
