What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This girl is more easily done than said...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
