Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
