Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
