it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
