and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
