I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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