My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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