new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
