My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
