By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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