You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You may now shotgun with the bride
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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