Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
