My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you never un-have a 4some
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
