just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
