It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
