I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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