It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
