i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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