I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
