He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
